but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
