I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
