I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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