Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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