i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
