That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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