Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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