You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
