There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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