Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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