I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
