why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
