no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
