Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
