i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
