Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
