They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
