why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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