his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
