just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's the barista slut.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
