My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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