Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My dick has a subreddit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
