Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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