I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
