my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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