Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I touched a dick in church today
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
