Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
