Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
