I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
