Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
