I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
