I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
