just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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