the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
