Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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