Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
