Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
