So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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