you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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