Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
