I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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