I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
