so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
