It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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