ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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