We won't sleep together?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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