Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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