I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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