I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
