Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
