my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
