he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
